windthread

just a day that belonged to this "soul",  this essence that will,  when it's time, leave this plane.  Today, this soul,  who is me in the moment,  was taken fully with other souls from the new house sitter at Bill and Nelia's then on to the Old Cowboy for burning questions and then home to Goat souls, especially old Gideon, it's snowing here today, cold and his bones are very stiff and cumbersome,  and then to the young souls in the Midst of so much in California and child souls becoming brother and sister and just well,  souls and souls and souls all whirring and accumulating experience imprints.   I guess that's it.  a day of accumulating experience.  ok.

just very small things.  The subtlety of so much.  Here, for instance,  the b in the word.  so subtle that it's only there when written in black and white.  When spoken,  so illusive as just not there.  like the D in Saskia's dog's name,  Django.  the D is silent.   Why? do we put letters in words that are   Silent?

Pretty much the same time as yesterday, but a very different day.  Colder.  WIND.  tonight, not bare foot but back to wool socks and boots.  Not subtle at all.    

 

but the colOUR of this cloth,  subtle.  So subtle that i could NOT get it right.  It's a scrap of Deb Lacativa's dye pot Magic.   Where has it been?  Today was like seeing it for the first time.  and i couldn't get the part that appears here as a kind of uhhh, rose color to appear as i saw it with my naked eye…a redwine color, very deep,  with an orangeish.  It is truly extra ordinary.  Way.

was looking at that scrap in terms of this Cloth, of Transmigration which is going to be  O So interesting to find out what kinds of subtlety  IT might ask for…………    Am loving looking so Loong before beginning.

 

there are seven Crows and seven Goats.   Everything that needs to be is Present.  Subtle here had to do with trying to photograph at the end of this day when the available light was not so much available.  I tried a couple times and then just used the flash that changes things in subtle ways but i can see the red thread,  dangling down on both sides.  Do i cut those dangling threads SHORT?  Leave them as is?   They are really, a very small  "components".  just the long danglings of a single strand of embroidery thread.  Nothing much at all.  Yet they change things in a not so subtle way.  To my eye, they Soften the impact of the Red Line.  Gentle it.  

Does this tell the truth of this "story"?  or does it change it?  I like very much how the Red Thread dangles on both sides.  Like looking at that.  But, really,  that's not what this Story is about.  So, tomorrow,  i will cut them.  Leave it how it is,  almost,  stark.  That line.  THAT'S the story.  a Stark red line.

 

a warm honey morning

this is Alyssia when she was about 6 or 7.  She has always been to me like some exotic bloom.

One more Crow.  One more Goat.   While working,  the thought…Goats are Spirit while Crows are Form manifest.

Am putting this here a little early.  Going to spend the last part of this day sitting on the porch bare foot,  watching Sun near,  touch, and then drop behind the Rim.  There is softly strong Wind.  Those scraps still flutter on the cloth line.  Maybe i'll take them down.  or not.

and for anyone who had read the second post last night,  all is well.  I took it down about 3am because i woke realizing that there are MANY people involved and i don't know how they all feel.  So best to let things settle.  I think i emailed all who had responded here.  Love Lives….

 

 

when i was hauling wood to split or bringing in the big pieces,  i don't know,  but have a sore wrist today.  sometimes i am preoccupied and ignore what i know and pick up very heavy pieces with just my right hand,  lift them, swing them up.  I've done this before.  Am out of Arnica.  Maybe tomorrow.

and just now,  i see that i Must be preoccupied,  because i was just about to say how many Goats i DID get done when i realized there are 8 Goats…that i had divided that one scrap in two,  the Los Dados,  for Deb Lacativa,  but then that made 8 Goats and Seven is the number…

So i have snipped off that last dark brown one.  Ah well,  Tomorrow.  And i stitched the first of the Crows…the furthest away…up in the right corner.  Was good to begin the Crows.

 

Spent Time looking at the Transmigration.  Thinking about Transmigration,  thinking about a Soul, leaving this plane to go to where ever it is that things ReForm,  ReConstitute, Reincarnate.  What are the ways i can think of this?  What DOES an individual human soul "take" from the life it has lived and left?   I've never really thought about this before.   Impressions, maybe,  like sounds,  certain qualities of light,  movement?  Color?  Shapes?  Feelings?  Experiences?,  and i think, yes, imprints of Experiences.   What might that be like?  Vague or sharp?,  Vague, i'm thinking…  just imprints,  not sharp image.  Not specific memory of people, for instance,  but the smell and sense of an infant,  the feeling of how Goats "shove" and move against your legs that would say Herd.  For me, for sure some kind of feeling of Wind as it moves on this planet,  Wind having always felt like Life itself?  Or none of the above.  Other things entirely?

I really LIKE the thought of thinking about this.  And thinking about this in terms of making a Cloth of the thoughts.  I like it a LOT.

 

 

 

i drew a map (Mo….)  this morning of the two pieces of land together.  When i came here there was nothing at this end of the road.  E mpty.  At that time i wished i could buy from corner to corner but i couldn't.  It was a long while until the other pieces were sold.   Each time it was hard to see the SPACE disappear.  But, fair.   So,  today i connected these two pieces with the drawing.  To help it be more Real. 

Then i tacked the drawing to the little wall to the right of the Morning Chair,  under the painting of Noelie.   

and the day was spent Here.  Everything except 6 goats is connected.   And i thought  all along about where the Crows are,  how the Crows are

and then Out of the Blue,  there wanted to be a single Red Thread…?????   I don't know.  Looking.  Just Looking.  A  single Red Thread.

I took a pocket full of peanuts out to the East Buck Yard to where Nogal is alone now with TenZen gone still on his honey moon,  and i walked around and called him to come and each time gave him a peanut and over and over and then just sat on the cottonwood branch and sang him the baby song, even tho he is no longer a baby,  far from it,  but he still loves to hear the baby song which doesn't have much in the way of lyrics,  just words of baby oh little baby, beautiful baby o baby little baby and over and over with no particular tune either,  but he gets all soft and dreamy eyed with the baby song.  He is a very excellent and WonderFull young buck Goat.

it's done.   Picked up Grass Hay,  looked at pics of Ethiopia.  

Home.  4 days Home.

one Goat.  i thought it would be harder.  but it's not.  it works.  that little brown one on the middle bottom…in accordance to Patchwork Beasts,  Jude Hill.   "In person",  even better than this pic.  The simple shape with just a few stitches "reads" Goat.    am Happy.  Happier that tomorrow i can just SEW stuff.  Me.  Needle.  Thread.  yes.  Tomorrow.  the love letter to Goethe.  Ok.  

 

the Three Cloths

 

 

this one now,  re named….7 Crows and 7 Goats  a Love Letter to Goethe

Last evening,  Judy Keathley sent this:

"Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills  countless ideas and splendid plans:    that the moment one definately commits oneself, then providence moves too.   All sorts of things occur that would never otherwise have occured.  A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no human could have dreamed would come her way."

Goethe

And i sat stunned.

The three Cloths are connected,  that's why there are Three for the first time.   It began long before, really,  with talking about Claiming a while back,  but came into "form"  with the Joys

the first one above on 2/5/2015 post  Joy.    All the small joys.  That are just there,  floating, to be noticed or not.  but There, nonetheless.  The common joys that appear and reappear and weave the reality of life.

and then,  the odd collection of CatHairFragments that "wanted to be" and i realized were about Transmigration…

and inbetween the Other one that   "wanted to be"….the 7  Crows and 7 Goats.  They are all part of the same.  Claiming.  

I don't know how evident it has been or not over the last while, but i have been uhhhh,  struggling?, well,  that's too dramatic a word,  but something like that,  i have been working with trying to find some Place to BE with the possibility that the daughter might Never come for her Goats.  And i have been becoming more and more acutely aware that i need to uhhh,  find a place to be IN with that, in the not knowing.  In leaving the possibility OPEN that she WILL come,  but also find myself a way to FULLY live in what there is NOW and not let what there may or may not be in any future change what there is NOW.  This is the first Cloth.  The Joys.   These fragments of Joy are HERE.  Right Now.  Every day.  This is where i need to LIVE.

the Transmigration is WHY.

the Love letter,  well,  love letters are love letters.  and here it is.

This morning i called Charlotte at her work up at the Magdalena Schools,  up the mountain,  because i didn't have a home phone for her.  I told her that i had replayed our conversation in my head and that i Wanted that piece of land next to me.  I told her that the Old Cowboy that i take care of is Failing and that he has said so many times that i am in his Will and that he hoped that when he dies i will buy a new trailer house and a new car.  And i told her that i don't want a new trailer house or a new car,  that i like the ones i have but that i WOULD like to buy her land.  That upon his death, although i don't have any idea how much money there would be,  but some,  and upon his death i would like to use that money to buy her land.  Cash.  

I said it.

I said it Out Loud.

in the past,  whenever i thought about the possibility of some money coming that way,  i have always thought about splitting it up,  however much there might be,  and i don't know,  but splitting it up between my kids.  My two kids and my grand kids.

but suddenly, yesterday,  and saying to Dee that maybe i would marry my life i thought…NO.  I will buy that land.  I will buy SPACE that will ensure that these Goats can be here,  in the event that they have no where else to go,  in the event that the Daughter has changed her mind.  I will buy that land.  I will buy that land.  Then,  last night,  and still as i write this in this moment,  it feels 

Selfish

but that is something i am going to have to work with.  So i told Charlotte that i want to buy that land that i would have cash at some point to do that.  She was Glad and said YES and so we have a Woman to Woman Agreement.  She will keep it until i can buy it.  And i am a little stunned.

 

this is the first time ever that i have more than 2 Cloths working at a time.  Most often,  only 1.  Three!

it's an interesting experience.  

Transmigration

 

Seven Goats and Seven Crows

Work Away Day so not a lot done, but Enough understood.  

the last of the CatHairScraps………fluttering on an extremely Beauty Full warm soft Wind.  And to all who are bowed down with Cold and Storm,   i will hold this for you,  as i hold You All in my heart during these days.   Cynthia, in particular,  where it is very Severe.  

 

 

still there from when the kids played restaurant.  But somehow,  the castle tower got in there????

 

 

someone from last summer

while i was separating and finger pressing the scraps on the kitchen counter,  these went together.  I have NO idea,  but something about them.  And i am really liking using the Hoop for looking,  for just Looking,  pinning,  unpinning,  looking.  It's big,  but not so big that i can't  put it on my lap in those early before daybreak hours

 

 

this one off the hoop cloth.  Ready to baste.

there is a SunSet i just saw.  will be back in a minute with that.

and i am putting this Out.  I am saying it OutLoud  into the Cosmos.   When i was waiting for the Old Cowboy's Green Chili Cheese Burger the other day,  my old neighbor Charlotte came in.  We talked.  She still owns the piece of property adjoining me, extending to the corner.  She lived there when her kids were little,  now lives on her family's land in Magdalena.  She was telling me that someone had inquired about buying it.  and,  unlike in the past,  she considered it.

So i am saying here…..it is my Intention to be able to buy that acre.  Not necessarily to do anthing WITH,  but to not be required to do anything i can't do here.  Or,  can't do without a lot of heartache.  The buck goats are over on that end.  This very easily could be an issue to new owners.  I'm not ready for that,  ready for what that could entail.   And even though i might just let that piece of earth Be,  anyone who comes here after me could easily use it for horses.  It's big enough and including this place,  would work.   So,  i say this.  Out Loud.  However it can,  i would like this to happen.

 

this morning i reached in to the basket that holds newspapers in the far left under the sink counter.  I can't see down there,  just stick my hand in and feel for them under the saved egg cartons.   Way down.  and brought out the last of what i have.  Very few.  That i dropped on the floor by the Morning Chair and began twisting the usual four pieces needed to start the fire.  There was a single page and as i was about to begin to crumple and twist,  something said stop and i looked and there was

that Face

that form

I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

last year my friend who brings the OLD New York Times had brought a batch from  2013 which included one full piece of a 5 piece series on Homeless Children in NYC.  It was part two in the series of 5.  I was mesmerized and over the course of the next weeks,  she looked and looked but could not find the other 4.   Over time i gave up and sent this one i had to my granddaughter.  Off and on i thought of Dasani, 11 years old, and her Family.  Out of the blue, now and then.  

This morning,  here was a single page, both sides, but not complete,  of the last in the series of 5.  At the bottom, " Invisible Child   Last in the series about one of 22,000 homeless children in NYC.  The New York Times began following her in September 2012 when she was 11 years old and living at the Auburn Family Residence in Brooklyn.  This series is based on interviews, official records and video taken by the Times and Dasani's family."   The journalist is Andrea Elliott.

nytimes.com/Invisiblechild

i googled.   

There as if by magic was the entire series.  It took me almost 3 hours to read.  

My granddaughter and I  have several "topics" that are  OnGoing conversations.  One of which is the Wondering about how it is that we find ourselves uhh,  drawn to,  magnetized by,  attracted to certain things and people.  Lately it has leaned toward people.  About how there are many different schools of thought,  from karmic relationships in buddhist terms,  Caroline Myss'  thoughts of Sacred Contracts,  and old astrologer friend of mine who believed that we bring with us into a birth, those persons who can assist us in our "goals".   that we come as a "constellation of souls" partnering to manifest mutual Purpose.  and on.  Granddaughter, Alyssia and i,  don't go at this with the intention of coming to a conclusion,  but rather just as a Wondering.  a Wandering of Wondering where we add to our fund on our mutual rolodex as we go.  We make no conclusions.  This is important.  No conclusions.  which lets it continue,  Just Go.

so i saw this.  Out of the corner of my eye,  the corner of my brain

Dasani.  This 11 and then 12 year old girl.  To Whom i have an unknown, unexplained  affinity, recognition,  attraction to.   

If i could,  i would fly to NYC.  I would find the journalist.  I would find Her.  I would just want to stand in front of her,  to look at her with my eyes,  to tell her that although i cannot make any sense of it that she,  her story,  her words,  her Beingness,  has Great Great MEANING to me.  And that's it.  Nothing more.    More might happen.  Who knows.  But maybe not and if not,  that would be enough.  I love her.  Not as a child,  but as a human being.  as a Soul.  a Soul manifest in her world of birth.  I would present myself as a Soul manifest in my world of birth.  that somehow,  Recognizes her.   and that that recognition Helps me.  again,  in an undefinable way.  

and i continued with the CatHairScraps.

there's another pic.  of the last of the Pile of them dumped out on the kitchen counter but i can't get it to download.   The airwaves must be heavy with Valentines Day wishes.  so this is enough.