windthread

there were about 2 hours finally….somewhere around 4:30 a.m. and almost 7 when Wind let go of us.  i went out quickly and fed and emptied the sand filled water tubs, rinsed out and filled.  just in time.  it began again.  but just one broken window.   knock on wood.  it continues as i write this.  the forecast for tonight says "breezy".  Accuweather is always on the "optimistic" side….

 

and the Miracle of Iris…

 

put me on my knees.

 

this small thing.  the Thread is from Deb Lacativa.  it is sensual.  it is more red…not the pinkish that appears here,  red/orange but i couldn't get the camera to do that,  or Picasa.    i have never been much for varigated thread.  but this,  oh.  eeeeeeeee….well, i said it.  sensual.  yes.  This is for Martine.  for the poem she put a while back on her blog.  Martine….don't look.  be surprised.  but there is something, well two somethings elses  that will go on it that i won't put here.  so it Can be a surprise.  Martine is teaching me how to grieve.  and will continue to.  this is Great and Deep Work.

 

 

it's utterly amazing.   the Sky is brilliant blue with stunning softly drifting white clouds.  Sun SHINES.

and yet…down here,  it's Crazy.   i don't even know how to describe it,  just a CONSTANT non stop Gusting…Hard.  Fierce.  Wild.  Crazy.  the air is heavy with sand and debris,  it's difficult to see,  and there's nothing to do but breathe it in.    and the electricity, which is also the internet has blinked on and off all day.

 

it began like this…one of those Bronze mornings.  just not even moments and then WIND.  so i tried to focus on other things,  but you are distracted,  constantly getting up, walking from window to window to see if everything is ok.  and the walls shake.   and sometimes a Gust will SLAM into the wall and it is amazing that it's still standing.  

 

things you don't recognize show up on the newly exposed layer of sandEarth…this beautiful piece of copper wire.

 

i worked on the Cloth in the living room.   it feels less "exposed" than the Room, with all it's leaky windows,  sand flying in.  and i looked to my right a lot,  at the  piles of Goat undercoat.   just starred.  somehow they held my attention.   there was some relief in meditating too.  

 

and i think i'm finished here.  i think there is nothing else needed or wanted.   

 

why was the Sky so blue, so early?  and the  Boat~tailed Grackles began assembling.  more and more came.    and with them,  another kind of bird that i don't know.   there were many.

 

and while i was trying to get the color right, this was too dark,  but it was too Beauty Full to no look at more.

 

 

and  Giving Water,  things i see every day,  i knelt next to and  Looked.  long and close.  and i let my self fill up with Love.  like the Gardens filled up with Morning Water.     i left the screen door open  and a bee came in,  it's legs laden with pollen.  all day it went from window to window,  looking for a way out.   several times i almost had it in a glass to take outside.  but no.  and then finally i just opened the screen door for a long time and watched.  it went back out,  the way it had come.  of it's own accord.  

 

and just a couple small details.   Today today was day three for Paul on the roof and he needed his radio.  so  a day of 70's Rock and i know all the words,  so any personal thoughts were hard,  with all those old songs bringing memory pictures.  and i helped him some because Wind was rising.

Tomorrow there will be the Strongest Wind yet.   so i also walked the periphery on the outside and felt each board of the fence.  a pocket full of screws,  hammer,  drill.   i am Ready,  as best i can be.  

who would have guessed.  

Paul has been on the roof for the second day.  so some distraction of that.   but, for some reason that i don't know,  there was a little "Lighten~ing"….of the deep confusion about the Neighbor and the Goat thing.  There was just a small feeling of stubborn~ness.  of Standing Ground.   not loudly or uhhh, full of rightousness,  but just Standing for Them.  Quiet.  maybe even Silently.  just a hint of this.  so far.

and then, late in the day, Marti emailed about a post that had great meaning to her.

it's Beth,  yes, YOU, Beth….   still-life-pond.blogspot.com.    and i went.  and i read.  and though it was not "Good News",  i was RELEASED.   I was RELEASED from feeling ISOLATED.

so if you would,  please go there and read.   if you have the heart, read it all,  all the links.  if you don't have the heart,  then at least read the post…April 22, 2014,  Earth Day.  and then the interview with Joanna Macy.  

i have written about these before, here, on this blog.  and the circle is circling again.   i would be very happy to send these on their way in a Community Loan.

and then…i needed to go pick up Grass Hay for the Goats.    and i did my FIRST practice run to Bill (Alz. B's son)   of what i thought of, after reading and FEELING Beth's Post.  i  told him about Guy McPherson,  U of Arizona Professor Emeritus of Natural Resources and Ecology.   Who sees  human beings becoming extinct somewhere around 2030,  give or take.   i practiced on Bill.  but i am going to present this information to everyone.  anyone.  everyone i make verbal contact with.  i am going to get it right and just say:  i was reading this.  ………………………the blurb.  and then end it with….What If?   What IF it's true?

and i won't care at all,  as in be detached,  the response of the Listener.   i will just SAY IT.  and that's what i can do,  until i think of something else.  Until the Goats arrived,  i was ready…like in

READY?

to head out for a dam.

and his response?…well, he said….huh.  and asked for the link.  and he said…"you know, grace, there are a lot of opinions"  and i said Yup.  Yup there are.  But…What IF?,  Bill.   and we parted on that note.  Remember, he is a Geologist at New Mex Tech.    and so it goes.

so all this will be on going.   and i want to thank Beth from my deepest Heart, for having Courage.

 

 

and here, with this cloth,  this Cloth that speaks so totally to all of the above in an Intuitive and un conscious way..this Cloth…it just Goes.  as it Wants to.  as it has something to say.

 

 

 

this much.   Paul on the roof.   ~WIND~  and i have begun the seasonal change.  OutSide the first part of the day.   which begins somewhere around 7 a.m. when the Goats are Ready.   and Out until it's "finished",  whatever the Its are in any particular day,  but Giving Water, an absolute.    then In.  and Out again late in the evening to say goodbye to the day.   It's Warm.  

and some leaf .   Otherwise just a LOT of WIND.  the wall shakes.  

a Stalk.

and everything is invisibly basted.   it will rest for a day.  

 

in the little "bowls" where the green beans are planted…   the spores must have been waiting in the scrap feed , the compost. ?  waiting silently.  i wonder what they look like?  how small a spore is?

in each bowl this morning there they were…not there last eve.  and shriveled to almost nothing at all when i got back from work today.   i had to look hard to find them.   Mushrooms.   how amazing, in a desert.   i wonder what purpose they serve.  Everything has one.  What might be Theirs?

 

IS?, the straight stalk better than the wobbly dream like blue one?  i don't know yet.  Looking.  and her hair is just good enough now.    how funny, to spend hours of a day on a few strands of hair….

 

the two leaves got washed and scrunched as best i could.    they are Deb Lacativa's work.  she irons stuff.  i don't know why, but i love her anyway.  no more no less.    pinned here to that iris cloth that was Blue for a while only.  

 

Second year Woad is getting it's bloom

 

Young Locust has the beginnings of blooms

 

Iris have managed 3 strong Electrical Storms/High Wind and maintain their integrity 

Nothing with neighbor.  She was gone today, with her son.  Still gone.  and i have been unable to stay away from the changes.  Goats are really, ok.  but in the place they are,  they are continuing restless.    Out where they WERE,  there was room to invent activity.  room to Run.  room to Wander a little even.   and i knew that this is pulling on me when i dreamed last night that i'd forgotten to feed some little ones.  this is an old, longstanding dream.  the circumstances of the dream changes,  but it's the same theme.  I'd forgotten some little ones.  in the dream last night i think they were puppies.  quite small, fluffy things.  i think puppies.  there were two.   a light one and a honey colored tricolored one.  they had become weak.  and by feed,  well,   it's breast feeding.   yes.  i breast feed forgotten little ones in my dreams.  over years.  sometime, a lot of times,  they are more like monkeys.  but they are always animals.  it's never human babies that i've forgotten.  animals.  and in the dreams i am just so glad that i still have milk.  i can correct my negligence quickly.  efficiently.  

so…this dream.  it's been a while.  really, a long time since one of those.  but there it was.  last night.

and also, same dream,  Gideon, the big beauty full old buck Goat here,  just as kind of an aside to what was Central in the dream moment,  big old buck Goat Gideon out of the blue did a triple back flip.  TRIPLE.  it was totally amazing to see…this big old Goat rising into the air and spinning 3 times.  he crash landed,  but didn't mind that.  he was fine.  he loved that he flipped so well.

so, about Rearranging…thinking about the dream,   listening to the discomfort of the Goats,  moving through the day with this kind of energy going,  it occured to me that the reason i am feeling what i am feeling is that i had gotten used to things going relatively Ok.   with seeing a need and then figuring out a way to find a ,   a,      well,  fix.   find a way.   and i am in a place right now where that fix is interdependant with my neighbor.   

and then,  the 3 Electrical Storms and their RAIN,  which the Earth here so desperately needs…caused the roof in the Room to leak.   the quick fix that Paul Who Can Do Anything did wasn't enough.  and at the time, he said that.  it might not work.  it isn't.  

so i thought today…how can i work this?  and it occured to me that i can at Least THINK differently.  So,  for now,  i am going to rearrange things.  i am going to go under the assumtion that things might be Ify.   and IF there are days,  like spans of time,  when things are OK or GOOD,  i will be Very Gratefull.  but i won't Expect that.  i will expect, at best,  neutral.  just neutral….days of one hoof in front of the other.   and will watch this.  see how it goes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Typepad down again all day till now. may or may not post this eve

 

Thunder Storm today.  then just Rain.   Alz b.  and on the way,  the desert was washed of dust…vibrant,  in it's own way, lush.   And,  many ~small~ stitches.  legs, arm,  and her hair…which looked upon as a cloth normally would be looked upon,  is not such disarray….

these small small stitches i need to do standing up…looking down on.  so small….the subtlety of just one small stitch changes things  a lot.  Does the strand of hair go UP, or Down? or just remain neutral?  there is a difference with each choice.