in all those last days, i could only LOOK at cloth…in its loose and wild state as scraps, fragments all tangled in those 9 great Zip Lock bags. I could sometimes take some out, move it around. But that was the extent of it. Cloth did not belong in the same world as that of my attention and focus. Today, here. now. the Relief of this in huge. I feel it across my face, the bones of my face, across my Heart. I can come back.
last night Tay jolted awake and was mouth pressed to the door, needing to go out. 3am. Waiting for her return, in the dark, i thought…who knows??? and tried once again and easy peasy the image loaded. ???? So, maybe i consider that.
I went back through the photo gallery looking for pics i remember taking of the slender trunks of this Chaparral Whitethorn near Talkie's Palace. Found them, taken on Feb 27. But while going through all the pics i wished so much that You All Here had access to that Gallery…so many many many images of so many many things. How photographs alone tell the Story of a life. No words necessary. And because of the Sky and the blossoms, their scent, i was able to find my way back to Cloth making…spent time using Inktense on some walnut saddened commercial cloth. This a Relief. and later, over at campsite B, saw how i can bring the wheelbarrow down for mixing soil. The loved wheelbarrow from New Mex that came in the UHaul and has sat, overturned at the top of the B hill since arriving 3 years ago. The Hill is too much for a wheelbarrow heavy with soil or rock or wood even. Momentum DOWN is immediate and there are no brakes. But for this, as a bowl for mixing, …Jenny's soil and the buckets of composted manure near the Feed Shed…it will once again have purpose. This feels good. So in this moment, things feel possible and even probable. There will be a Garden.
i can’t get any image to load. What i wanted here was the branches of the Chaparral Whitethorn. BLOOMING against a Sky Blue Sky. The first of anything aside from those all winter daiseys to BLOOM. To signal SPRING. As i took the photograph, the tree frogs took up their Song of the late day/evening. I wanted to put a pic of the bags of many cubic ft of Garden Soil that Jenny brought…here. this Journal. these for this 2021 iteration of the B Garden that will assume the work of the Wall Garden this time around.
We walked the road up the Hill and agreed to have someone (?) come to grade it and then gravel again, stood long moments studying the French Drains that remained and continued well.
we are finished with the All That Has Been. Acquittal. Time now to Turn. Hoping for the Best, right?
my hands smell of Cilantro that i harvested while at B.
Typepad is imploding. They say nothing about that. Nothing. It has taken me almost 3 hours, off and on to upload/download which ever it is, to put these pics here. I could not sign in.
almost 3 hours to do what used to take a few minutes leaving me a Space of Time to WRITE WORDS, …..THOUGHTS…..here tho, once the connection has occured, there's little mindspace left for anything.
I signed up for a Blog Space at WordPress toda
y. I will learn what i am able to navigate that….we'll see. If i can do that, i'll move there. If not, it will be just time to let it all go.
the Cheetah. the Cheetah, above. This i FEEL. Some part of me is this Cheetah. For Emrie. For me. For Us.
i felt like i just couldn't spend another whole day at the impeachment proceedings. Why not?, i asked self….no good answer, but…so i decided to do something about the mending of the denim couch/bed cover which was the futon cover in New Mex. Somehow legitimizing watching and listening. So many worn loose and thin areas needing repair of at least a temporary measure before its next round in the washing machine. It's shredding. The first is a large piece, 2 squares of very old and worn denim….not going to make it much longer and i don't have a reserve of denim to put there, so this. I don't know why. I don't feel ok about the red so i colored over one of the strips with black Inktense pencil…will continue with the other two. Don't know if it will work. And then the second pic. Nothing to say about that. I just did it all while listening and watching the proceedings. It all may end up feeling too "busy" and be removed. Maybe someday if i can ever go again to GoodWill and get some denim that will work?
and it rained. Up till now, my rain spirits have held, but today, not so much. Am so grateful for it, for the land, for the land in this coming fire season. It will matter. But it was constant and unrelenting today and there was no break for feeding the Goats, so i just sat there, "suited up"…layers of sweatshirt and then the rain jacket, the boots and when there was a perceptible lessening of Sound on the Roof…i took off. Told them to eat fast, which they did. Everything will be ok.
Alyssia messaged me this: a Utube Heroes to Hives
i thought about the x military who were involved in the Insurrection, having listened to them, how they were feeling like they were a part of something, wanting desperately to be a part of something…what they chose. I watched this Utube about those making such a different choice. the Contrast. How it's ALL OUT THERE, choices.
Emrie had Alyssia stop in front of the B Garden. Picked these, one for each of us.
i watched the impeachment hearing
One of the oldest libraries in the world. Papyri's Villa in the city of Herculaneum in Rome.
the Post Office. But, also, the Library. Just prior to the Covid life, i did get my California drivers license which would have meant i could get a Library Card. Soon, now.
i settled into the Territorial Seed catalog. Because it appeared serendipitously in the Post Office Box this week. Spent the day filling out the order form which meant reading and rereading pages of plant descriptions; i.e. there were 14 snap pea possibilities. I finally got to adding up the numbers and i added 4 times and got 4 different totals. Not a lot of difference, so if i decide to do a mail in order, rather than an online, i'll just send a check for the highest total. Let them work it out. or not. Tomorrow i'll look at the online format. Maybe that. the math would be automatic.
and woven through all this was the thread of Nomadland. I said i am transfixed by the possibilities this film offers me at this point in my life. I thought about things i hadn't thought about in many years. and become aware that there is no longer any traceable time/event line. It is all just that thing of the "slide show" that i have in my head. I think and an image pops up, a still frame, like a slide for a projector. an image illumined on a blank wall. I look and then click and some other one pops up. There is no cohesiveness. Just MOMENTS. In Michigan at the beginning of Setting Out. Across country. Oregon, first destination.
Today i remembered how i bought the Ford Econoline Van, 1972. Dark green. i named her Fern. I bought her from a blind piano tuner and his wife. Was in excellent condition. Well maintained. Scrupulously maintained. He worked by ear. They had camped with her. He had just redone the brakes. There was a little sink and counter top. I would sit in her out in the driveway in Ann Arbor, burn incense, Nag Chapa, the one cohesive thing, the Nag Champa. I dreamed about going. About needing to look for an answer to the question of
What really, is real….about a life, about Living a life. What is the bottom line, the basic equation. A real life = What?
i looked up the word Cohesive just now. from the Latin word cohaerere, or " to cleave together"
have been asking Alyssia…..How can i SEE this movie…Nomadland. The "ads" keep coming in the feed on my Facebook page. There's more and more said in the news. Awards. Nomadland. She tried the other day to set it up on her Hulu account for me but the link didn't make it happen. Tonight….she checked again for me and, well, it's because the movie isn't "out" till the 19th. Today is the 7th. OH!….ok then, but i am so so already enthralled. Is that a good word? enthralled?, no, but sort of. and explains this small Cloth that is so layered . How we are layers. Not just the one that we "are" today, but the one that we might have been, the one or ones we already Were. Selves. I look at the ads for this movie and the most recent one made me cry.
Until Alyssia suddenly occurred to be pregnant, and even more, until the fetus flagged to be horribly challenged, until all that, this might have been me, this woman, on the road. She and i for different circumstances…mine would have been Choice. Rather than necessity. But the road traveled would have been the same???? i am completely TAKEN by what i am hoping this film will be. Now i know i have to wait. The 19th. Ok. ok. but i want to see something by looking OUT at this story, instead of looking IN to my self, into my own past.
Marti….Thank You! i didn't even know it existed.
as if i'd never
done
Cloth before. All new. Not knowing. Unsure.
it's only been a couple weeks but is as if i'd been away for a long time, or, never really been here before. ???????
